She sAid..

Thursday, March 31, 2005

I think i've been mean.... it's like i vent my pent up frustrations on weijie.... i get annoyed really easily these few days..... feel so guilty..... terrible man.... :( and yesterday i actually lost control and cried really hard and pounded my bed... come to think of it, thank goodness i had chosen something soft..... hehe.... well, at least i feel better now.... feel so stupid.... i'm still as emotional as ever..... can't seem to get a grip on myself.... why? why.....? haiz.... after so long i still have not learnt the way to fight my emotions..... feel like a freak.... touch me and i'll bite..... grrrr..... i keep feeling this sense of insecurity, like there is something out there..... sounds like what a kid thinks right? i don't know..... but it's like while i think there is nothing to be afraid of, i don't feel it.... know what i mean? haiz.... why am i in this world..... sometimes i just don't feel like i belong in here..... suddenly i'll be like looking at my surroundings and thinking why are there all these people, all these objects, all these changes around me.... why are they like there..... don't know if anyone else shares the same feeling as i do..... it is kind of hard to explain what this is all about.... but i'll feel really strange and weird after thinking this way suddenly..... not feeling strange about why i feel this way but rather as in just feel 'guai4 guai4' one.... i think i'm crazy..... i don't know..... i still feel insecure in my own skin and insecure about many other things.... i find it hard to let go, find it hard to say goodbye..... but it is not like i'm possessive or anything bacause i'm not.... it's just like when things are gone i'll still think about them after some time until something completely takes my mind off it..... i remember things that are related to people i care about..... but sometimes i feel it is a rather heavy burden to remember things so clearly..... emmm, not a heavy burden.... i should say..... emmm..... ok i can't think of a suitable word to describe it.... nevermind..... or maybe i feel that sometimes it can kill to remember things so clearly..... like when it's gone and you still remember..... that's kind of torturous isn't it? especially if it's things you'd rather forget..... well well well.... i'm still so tired today.... both mentally and physically..... my energy is drained, sapped away when i am tortured by my own emotions.... yawnz...... really tired and tired of myself too..... sheeshh.

...小猪 heArTs heR dAr (^.^)
-8:55 am-

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

i hurt my index finger while opening a can of rootbeer... sux!! now there is a bruise under the fingernail.... ouchz!! :( my goodness...it really hurts... hmm.... i bought a t-shirt just now from ice lemon tea... didn't want to buy it initially because no trying is allowed.... i just hate buying clothes that i cannot try.... especially t-shirts... because my shoulders are so freakingly broad and so size S usually mean my shoulders would not fit and size M would mean the shoulders fit but i'll look like i'm pregnant....

(_ _''') ok so anyway my colleagues and the evil salesgirl cajoled me to buy the shirt and so i did.... then i told the salesgirl if there is any problem i'll bring it back to exchange for something else.... heez.... so when i got back to the office, i went to try on the shirt... the salesgirl was not that evil afterall..... :) miraculously size S for that shirt fits.... hehe.... A little 'attitude', the shirt... it says on the shirt, 'i want attention, just not yours'.... hehehe... and i have a halter top from the same shop and it says,'believe, my tee looks better than yours'.... Although it ts NOT a tee.... hehehe....

i'm so bored at work.....i miss my first job, which is a roadshow held at Funan IT Mall from the end of Jan till the start of Feb.... at least i had fun together with my colleagues then.... trying to 'smoke' customers.... heez.... :p although i'm a computer idiot, i still had lots of fun.... and i miss the suppers after work every night with Pak, junhong and weijie.... haiz.... why aren't all jobs as fun as the first one i had? well well well....

haiz.... i've been thinking about my phone all day.... can't get it out of my mind.... haiz.... sobz sobz.... really man... whenever i use my phone now i'll think of the new phone that i'm unable to buy in time.... *scratchzzzzzzz......* damn.... :(

...小猪 heArTs heR dAr (^.^)
-3:49 pm-

i'm so sleepy today....yawnzzzz....work work work...why don't money fall from the sky?well, that's just wishful thinking i suppose...hmm.....still feeling a little irritated....but nevermind...it's juz fate that i won't be able to get my phone in time....isn't it strange how sometimes when you yearn so much for a replacement, the thing u want to replace becomes extra disgusting?get what i mean?hmm....it just makes me feel even more irritated when i look at the current phone now...ok i'm just being silly.....but i CAN'T HELP IT!!!!grrrrr.....i shall stop being so worked up...hmm....going out with weijie tomorrow....he is ill....haiz...never take care of himself....so must look after him....looking forward to the DEVILS class outing this saturday!!!hehehehe.....hope more devils turn up....

...小猪 heArTs heR dAr (^.^)
-9:09 am-